-For everything a candidate has to go through, you look incredibly well-rested. Is that accurate? -Not well-rested. [ Laughter ] We’re hanging in there, though. -You’re hanging in. You had — There was a climate change forum last night. -Yup. -And we have another round of debates coming up. And I was wondering if you
*Intro theme* Tonight: climate change. Every scientist says we’re making things worse, but some people are like “Nuh-uh! Wasn’t us! Didn’t do it! *fart noise*” The debate rages on. Real Estate. With sea levels rising, we’ll tell you which flyover states are about to have prime beachfront property. Wildfires! Everyone knows they’re cool, but one
>>IT APPEARS PRESIDENT TRUMP DOESN’T WANT TO BE A NEW YORKER ANYMORE. COURT DOCUMENTS SHOW HE AND FIRST LADY MELANIA HAVE CHANGED THEIR PERMANENT ADDRESS TO TRUMP’S MAR-A-LAGO ADDRESS IN PALM BEACH, FLORIDA. ♪ (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
“God is with the one who has no one.” “He is with you in joy as well as sorrow.” “God is with the one who has no one.” “He is with you in joy as well as sorrow.” “God is with the one who has no one.” “He is with you in joy as well
YOU KNOW, FOLKS, WE’RE LEARNING MORE DETAILS ABOUT THE WHITE HOUSE HALLOWEEN FESTIVITIES LAST WEEK, WHERE DONALD TRUMP HANDED OUT CANDY TO TRICK OR TREATERS. HE FINALLY GOT TO MEET WINNIE THE POOH. THEY HAVE A LOT IN COMMON ( LAUGHTER ) THEY’VE BOTH GOTTEN THEIR BUTTS STUCK IN A DOORWAY AFTER EATING TOO MUCH
♪ I want it that way… ♪ I can’t believe it. That Karl brought his karaoke machine? ♪ Ain’t nothing but a heartache… ♪ No, I can’t believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on my car insurance with GEICO. ♪ I never wanna hear you say… ♪ No, Kevin… no, Kevin!
>>Stephen: YOU MAY KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT AS THE STAR OF STRANGER THAN CANDY OFTEN THOSE WEIRD COMMERCIALS HE DID. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) THANK YOU VERY MUCH! OH, THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE